Leslie surprise!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY I just want to tell you how much I love you and I'm so blessed you are a part of my life. The past 3 years have really blown me away because I know God knew exactly what He was doing when He put together our huddle leaders. I can't imagine having a better group of women. You're not just a huddle leader to me you really are a best friend and its so cool that I get to experience that. I love getting to hang out with Kaitlyn Cora and Claire. I also love that you invited me out of town with you to Austin. That was so fun. I can't believe this is our last year :( tears just came to my eyes just from typing that. I love having you to come to about anything and everything and I know that you are still going to love me no matter what. I love that we share the same taste in music! shout out to our girl Kelly haha!
I hope today is awesome! I love you!!
Tuesday, July 7
Wednesday, March 18
Future begins Now
This year has already been a new time and place in my walk with the Father. I am SO hungry for new revelation of who He is and more and more of His love. I can't begin to explain the excitement I feel. If you could hear my spirit it would be screaming praises and letting out sounds all the way to heaven because there's no way to hold this in once you've had a little taste.
One thing I've learned that blows my mind is -the Holy Spirit and Jesus are praying for us. Think about that. You know Jesus the guy who is God's son and does miracles. HE IS REAL. I'm not saying I ever thought He wasn't, but I mean He's real. As in He is a person and He prays for me. Just like we pray. Except the difference is He and the Holy Spirit are actually praying God's will. As in they are praying exactly what God wants to do in my life. But here's the best part of all. I can ask what they are praying and they will tell me so that I can also pray it too, which then means I can pray the will of God for myself. I can ask God to do the very thing He wants to do in my life. So I'm actually just praying the answer! You cannot tell me that isn't SO COOL.
Monday night at soaking we were all told that God wants to bring our future and the spectacular things He has in store for us, today. So now I'm praying for the future He has for me and the things I am longing to know to come to me now. WOOH! So exciting because I'm so hungry to go deeper. Whatever is coming is going to be so good. In fact today I got a phone call and I get to be on the worship team for the chrysalis walk this summer!!! AhHH. I'm so excited! And I'm going to start a bible study with 8th grade girls soon. I'm very very excited to see what God will do there.
One thing I've learned that blows my mind is -the Holy Spirit and Jesus are praying for us. Think about that. You know Jesus the guy who is God's son and does miracles. HE IS REAL. I'm not saying I ever thought He wasn't, but I mean He's real. As in He is a person and He prays for me. Just like we pray. Except the difference is He and the Holy Spirit are actually praying God's will. As in they are praying exactly what God wants to do in my life. But here's the best part of all. I can ask what they are praying and they will tell me so that I can also pray it too, which then means I can pray the will of God for myself. I can ask God to do the very thing He wants to do in my life. So I'm actually just praying the answer! You cannot tell me that isn't SO COOL.
Monday night at soaking we were all told that God wants to bring our future and the spectacular things He has in store for us, today. So now I'm praying for the future He has for me and the things I am longing to know to come to me now. WOOH! So exciting because I'm so hungry to go deeper. Whatever is coming is going to be so good. In fact today I got a phone call and I get to be on the worship team for the chrysalis walk this summer!!! AhHH. I'm so excited! And I'm going to start a bible study with 8th grade girls soon. I'm very very excited to see what God will do there.
Friday, March 13
It started again one weekend at the lake
I met you there
You begged for my heart
and said you couldn't wait
Didn't want life with out me
You said everything I needed to hear
I was already yours
So we jumped back in
and I forgot all my fear
We cautiously touched skin during fireworks in the sky
Rekindling what we lost
Oh what a fourth of July
You met me on the steps in secret that summer night
Said you’d love at any cost
You weren't going down without a fight
You made promises and I said yes
All I wanted was a safe bet
Well your dad was suspicious
and your mom always knew
Thought we would be forever
Why didn’t you?
We lasted for a while but
Now you've changed your mind
Don't you remember...
Hands entwined in the short car ride
Sparks ran through my veins
Oh you said I could believe
Said you’re sorry for all the pain
You always cause me
I made boundaries not to cross
Well your dad was suspicious
and your mom always knew
Thought we would be forever
Why didn’t you?
We lasted for a while but
Now you've changed your mind
It ended again just another weekend at the lake
I'm not there
You begged for her kiss
Said you couldn't wait...
Sunday, December 28
touched
Saturday I received a phone call from a women who was looking for someone to help her around the house before her kids got back from visiting their dad. I didn't know her but she said that one of my huddle leaders had given her my phone number because she knew I would be willing to help. I told her I would definitely want to come and she told me to bring a friend. So I called Taylor and we met at her house to get to work.
This was more than just helping her pick up her house. We soon found out when we got there that she is going through a horrible divorce. Her husband left her and her two precious kids about six months ago and kicked them out of their house. Further more he stopped paying any of the bills and stole money from her company, the list goes on and on. They quickly found a house to stay in and haven't had heat until about a week ago because her husband wouldn't pay for it. Everything was a wreck, papers from her business covering the living room floor, the kitchen piled with everything possible. She has applied for 27 jobs and is over qualified for most of them but is now hopefully in line for one at ACU. Our goal for her was to make the house as close to a home as possible. She said she wanted her and her kids to start the new year off with a fresher start. Our first project was to convert her six year old son's room from a star wars theme to Batman. Taylor and I got to work painting a huge bat signal covering his entire wall it was so cool I wish I had pictures. We hung posters and changed his bedding. It looks so good. Next we painted a border around her kitchen that looked pretty good too. We began to sort the hundreds of bills on her living room floor. Bills she has because her husband isn't paying them and is choosing to leave her with no money.
Even though we helped her finish all of this stuff she could not have done on her own, I believe we weren't there to do more than just some chores around the house. I know that the Lord sent us there because this amazingly strong women is at the end of her rope and has considered taking her life to escape everything, yet she is still fighting with all she has. All she needed was some company and someone to talk to. We were there from 1 till 7:30 and there was still a ton of things she wanted to get done before her kids came home the next day. We told her that we would be more than happy to come back Sunday. So today we painted a border and the Psalms 45:11 that says "The King is enthralled by your beauty" in her 11 year old daughters room. It looks so good and we hope it is just a small thing to uplift her in this terribly hard time. Then we wrapped presents from generous people leaving them on the porch, since their mom wouldn't be able to provide this year. GOD IS SO GOOD. ( She told us she was provided her with a car when hers was put in the shop with a 2,000 dollar repair and a phone that is being paid for) We got to meet her kids and then around 5:30 left her house after a very emotional thank you.
The first day we were there she said something that caught my attention she said " everything in my house is God's so its also yours feel free to take whatever you want." isn't that an amazing thing to live by? Meeting her and knowing her story though it breaks my heart, has made me really put my life into perspective not only being thankful for everything I have but also shown me that the energy I put into worrying about the heartaches in my life that now seem nothing compared to the hurt and pain she is experiencing. My heart has been touched. She may think that Taylor and I did her a favor but I hope she knows how much she has impacted our lives and I am so excited to see how God will reveal himself through her life. Because I know He is faithful and is going to use her life and situation only for His kingdom and His goodness. If you think about it will you please pray for my new friend.
This was more than just helping her pick up her house. We soon found out when we got there that she is going through a horrible divorce. Her husband left her and her two precious kids about six months ago and kicked them out of their house. Further more he stopped paying any of the bills and stole money from her company, the list goes on and on. They quickly found a house to stay in and haven't had heat until about a week ago because her husband wouldn't pay for it. Everything was a wreck, papers from her business covering the living room floor, the kitchen piled with everything possible. She has applied for 27 jobs and is over qualified for most of them but is now hopefully in line for one at ACU. Our goal for her was to make the house as close to a home as possible. She said she wanted her and her kids to start the new year off with a fresher start. Our first project was to convert her six year old son's room from a star wars theme to Batman. Taylor and I got to work painting a huge bat signal covering his entire wall it was so cool I wish I had pictures. We hung posters and changed his bedding. It looks so good. Next we painted a border around her kitchen that looked pretty good too. We began to sort the hundreds of bills on her living room floor. Bills she has because her husband isn't paying them and is choosing to leave her with no money.
Even though we helped her finish all of this stuff she could not have done on her own, I believe we weren't there to do more than just some chores around the house. I know that the Lord sent us there because this amazingly strong women is at the end of her rope and has considered taking her life to escape everything, yet she is still fighting with all she has. All she needed was some company and someone to talk to. We were there from 1 till 7:30 and there was still a ton of things she wanted to get done before her kids came home the next day. We told her that we would be more than happy to come back Sunday. So today we painted a border and the Psalms 45:11 that says "The King is enthralled by your beauty" in her 11 year old daughters room. It looks so good and we hope it is just a small thing to uplift her in this terribly hard time. Then we wrapped presents from generous people leaving them on the porch, since their mom wouldn't be able to provide this year. GOD IS SO GOOD. ( She told us she was provided her with a car when hers was put in the shop with a 2,000 dollar repair and a phone that is being paid for) We got to meet her kids and then around 5:30 left her house after a very emotional thank you.
The first day we were there she said something that caught my attention she said " everything in my house is God's so its also yours feel free to take whatever you want." isn't that an amazing thing to live by? Meeting her and knowing her story though it breaks my heart, has made me really put my life into perspective not only being thankful for everything I have but also shown me that the energy I put into worrying about the heartaches in my life that now seem nothing compared to the hurt and pain she is experiencing. My heart has been touched. She may think that Taylor and I did her a favor but I hope she knows how much she has impacted our lives and I am so excited to see how God will reveal himself through her life. Because I know He is faithful and is going to use her life and situation only for His kingdom and His goodness. If you think about it will you please pray for my new friend.
Thursday, September 11
Forever
I was forced to let go
Didn't know if I had the strength
It'd been 3 days without you
Those chains I had to break
I'm letting you go so I can be free
I'll sing about you
It's time to be me
All we wanted to be
Guess I'll have to wait
You said we'd be together
But forevers not today
You always start changing when we get close
I give you my heart
You lie and say I have yours
This was easy, faster than I thought
I was sick of living for you
I'm worth way more than that
I'm letting you go so I can be free
Ill sing about you
It's time to be me
All we wanted to be
Guess I'll have to wait
You said we'd be together
but forevers not today
Oh I let you go and now I'm free
I'm singing about you
I'm finally me
All we wanted to be
I was sick of waiting
You weren't ready for me
My forever starts today
Didn't know if I had the strength
It'd been 3 days without you
Those chains I had to break
I'm letting you go so I can be free
I'll sing about you
It's time to be me
All we wanted to be
Guess I'll have to wait
You said we'd be together
But forevers not today
You always start changing when we get close
I give you my heart
You lie and say I have yours
This was easy, faster than I thought
I was sick of living for you
I'm worth way more than that
I'm letting you go so I can be free
Ill sing about you
It's time to be me
All we wanted to be
Guess I'll have to wait
You said we'd be together
but forevers not today
Oh I let you go and now I'm free
I'm singing about you
I'm finally me
All we wanted to be
I was sick of waiting
You weren't ready for me
My forever starts today
Saturday, July 12
God is at work
Did anyone see the incredible rainbow on Monday? It was the biggest and most beautiful one I've ever seen in my life. Until that moment I had forgotten the promises God has given to me. The only other time I can remember an incredible rainbow like that was the day I started high school. I was so scared to go to high school. I remember the last day of 8th grade I seriously almost cried because I knew I had to go to high school. All of my friends were so excited and so ready to be there but I hated the thought of it. I loved middle school! I had everything about middle school down. But anyways the first day of high school we were driving and there it was a huge rainbow right over the school. We literally were driving right into it and it made everything not so scary anymore. I knew God was there waiting for me to take care of me and to calm my fears. Now I haven't really been scared about anything lately but I have forgotten the promise God has given me that is He will never leave me or not care. I think that the rainbow I saw on Monday was God's way of calling out to me to let me know that He has not left the situation. That He is working in ways that I can't dream of. This week things have happened that I probably don't deserve but I think God is giving me another chance to do something that I love and that I want oh so badly. He has made a way for one of my hearts desires to be real to me again. Another way I can see God working is that just when I really need it Super Summer is next week! I can't wait to see what He has planned for me there. I am ready for a week of regaining what I might have put away for a while and also learning even more of my Fathers love.
Thursday, July 3
last nights talk was the remedy my heart needed
so I thought everything was looking up
now you say you just aren't sure
well I say your not man enough
you showed all emotions
for once you told me the truth
you even admitted its the harder thing to do
and now you think it changes things
I'll let you in on a little secret
I've known it all along
these things you told me yesterday
I've been waiting to hear like a good ole' song
you'd think it'd make it harder
but it's actually what I needed
I'm fine with other people
I know we'd both agree
but don't try and say you lied
that you don't think love me
so I thought everything was looking up
now you say you just aren't sure
well I say your not man enough
you showed all emotions
for once you told me the truth
you even admitted its the harder thing to do
and now you think it changes things
I'll let you in on a little secret
I've known it all along
these things you told me yesterday
I've been waiting to hear like a good ole' song
you'd think it'd make it harder
but it's actually what I needed
I'm fine with other people
I know we'd both agree
but don't try and say you lied
that you don't think love me
Sunday, June 29
reality is making me mad
I'm trying
some days are easy
some days are sad
sometimes I need to scream
but I never get it out
it goes away but it always finds a way back
into those quiet places there should be peace
it creeps back into my heart my thoughts my dreams
I need an ear
I need a prayer
where did they go?
where can I go?
I know HE loves me
I know HE is here
but I just need an ear
someone who can see my crying and care
someone who can hear my screams and not get scared
where did they go?
Sometimes I need to just hold on to someone
but no ones in reach
they were here but they slipped away
this different situation made them leave
gone to the other side
I need an ear
I need a prayer
where did they go?
where can I go?
They say just run to HIM
He loves you more than the other
my heart knows those things
but what about the rest?
I'm trying
some days are easy
some days are sad
sometimes I need to scream
but I never get it out
it goes away but it always finds a way back
into those quiet places there should be peace
it creeps back into my heart my thoughts my dreams
I need an ear
I need a prayer
where did they go?
where can I go?
I know HE loves me
I know HE is here
but I just need an ear
someone who can see my crying and care
someone who can hear my screams and not get scared
where did they go?
Sometimes I need to just hold on to someone
but no ones in reach
they were here but they slipped away
this different situation made them leave
gone to the other side
I need an ear
I need a prayer
where did they go?
where can I go?
They say just run to HIM
He loves you more than the other
my heart knows those things
but what about the rest?
Thursday, June 26
Concert!!!!!
Last Saturday I got to go see Taylor Swift!!! AND Rascal Flatts! My mom some friends and their moms drove down Saturday morning and just hung out all day, checked into the hotel and got ready. We arrived at the concert around 6. We sat on the lawn but they were great seats. The concert was so fun and the weather was perfect. Taylor Swift is probably my favorite singer ever. She's only 18 and she is living her dream. Her music is so honest and good and she wrote every song on her album. She's pretty awesome. The concert was over around 11 but the traffic was HORRIBLE we didn't get back to our hotel until 1:30 am! Never the less it was a really fun weekend. I can't believe I got to see Taylor Swift in concert!
Thursday, June 12
His love
Lately I've been so lost. I've been depressed all the time and I have just been down and I felt like I could just lose it at any moment. I had forgotten His love. Last night I was having a really hard time and just didn't know how to make sense of anything or knowing how to get out of this depression I was feeling. I even felt like I would rather feel that way than to not and still not have what I wanted. Like the pain was better than the peace without what my heart longs for. Even though I was in a dark place it didn't matter to me that if I would just run to God and let him handle it I would find joy and peace. I never even talked to Him about it, I couldn't. There were no words to explain the hurt I was feeling. Maybe I just needed that time to let it all hit me and just feel lost and confused for a while. Obviously He already knew and had seen the state my heart was in and I felt like that was good enough. I was numb and I didn't care. So last night I decided to soak to a cd that I have had for a long time but just never got around to listening to it. I guess God really was saving it for when I needed it the most. One of the tracks really hit me and these are some of the lyrics...
... I'm still scared that some days are going to be really hard but now I know I CAN run to Him because one of the other tracks made me realize that no matter what God is aching for my love and that He is jealous for me...
You saw me broken
You saw me battered
You saw me filthy
You saw me shattered
You saw me wicked
You saw me lying
You saw me failing
You saw me trying
You saw me angry
You saw me jealous
You saw me prideful
You saw me selfish
You saw me wonder
You saw me lustful
You saw me striving
worshiping idols
you said I want her
I love her
Shes the one for me
I choose her
I know her
my blood has made her clean
she is my true love
bring her to me
put a ring on her finger
clothe her in my righteousness
shine my light all around her
place a crown upon her head
keep her tears in a bottle
seal her name upon my hands
... I just read my last post and I think God had me write it because that's what He has been saying to me. I wrote it for someone I love but God was really telling all of that to me because I am who He loves.
See the peace is there
someone spilled me out
running from these doubts
open me up again
like the skies of rain
oh how I need you friend
and the way that you say
wallflower come dance with me
leftover your just what I need
broken one you'll be the queen of my heart
Hoping for love again
done with days of tears
learning to trust again
your words in my ear
wallflower come dance with me
leftover your just what I need
broken one you'll be the queen of my heart
... I'm still scared that some days are going to be really hard but now I know I CAN run to Him because one of the other tracks made me realize that no matter what God is aching for my love and that He is jealous for me...
You saw me broken
You saw me battered
You saw me filthy
You saw me shattered
You saw me wicked
You saw me lying
You saw me failing
You saw me trying
You saw me angry
You saw me jealous
You saw me prideful
You saw me selfish
You saw me wonder
You saw me lustful
You saw me striving
worshiping idols
you said I want her
I love her
Shes the one for me
I choose her
I know her
my blood has made her clean
she is my true love
bring her to me
put a ring on her finger
clothe her in my righteousness
shine my light all around her
place a crown upon her head
keep her tears in a bottle
seal her name upon my hands
... I just read my last post and I think God had me write it because that's what He has been saying to me. I wrote it for someone I love but God was really telling all of that to me because I am who He loves.
Friday, June 6
Lighthouse
If your scared cling to me
If your lost you can find me
I'll be your lighthouse when the storm is strong
No matter what you've said
I'm with you till the end
My promises hold true
Do you remember what you swore?
Oh! I wish I could show you
It seems like you demolished in your heart
Every intention we had
When will truth become visible?
How long will this take?
Should I even wait?
Or go ahead and break
Break off this tie,
This love so incredible
I'll be here no matter what
Even if love is gone
So if your scared come running to me
If you feel lost know your all I see
I'm here when everyone is gone
I'll be your lighthouse when the storm is strong.
If your lost you can find me
I'll be your lighthouse when the storm is strong
No matter what you've said
I'm with you till the end
My promises hold true
Do you remember what you swore?
Oh! I wish I could show you
It seems like you demolished in your heart
Every intention we had
When will truth become visible?
How long will this take?
Should I even wait?
Or go ahead and break
Break off this tie,
This love so incredible
I'll be here no matter what
Even if love is gone
So if your scared come running to me
If you feel lost know your all I see
I'm here when everyone is gone
I'll be your lighthouse when the storm is strong.
Tribute
This is a tribute to lost love
One day goes by and I'm still aching
My heart is left cold and it's still shaking
How long will this last?
Seven more months of waiting
or is there a longer storm that's mine for the taking
So quickly you were gone that I'm still asking for answers
But one day will be for lovers
You and I will be together
One day today will be small as a grain of sand
You wait and see
I'm proving this to doubters cause
Love, it's for you and me
This is a tribute to lost friendship
One day goes by and you're now faking
Your heart is left cold and I'm still breaking
How long will you stay gone?
Four months for chasing
Or is my heart still the one you've been longing?
So quickly you change I'm feeling so betrayed
My heart
Oh how confused
Oh how shocked
But trying to show you the friend I can be
This numbness inside and the shame you sure hide
It's more than anyone could ever see
But one day will be for lovers
You and I will be together
One day today will be as small as a grain of sand
You wait and see
I'm proving this to doubters cause
Love, it's for you and me
One day goes by and I'm still aching
My heart is left cold and it's still shaking
How long will this last?
Seven more months of waiting
or is there a longer storm that's mine for the taking
So quickly you were gone that I'm still asking for answers
But one day will be for lovers
You and I will be together
One day today will be small as a grain of sand
You wait and see
I'm proving this to doubters cause
Love, it's for you and me
This is a tribute to lost friendship
One day goes by and you're now faking
Your heart is left cold and I'm still breaking
How long will you stay gone?
Four months for chasing
Or is my heart still the one you've been longing?
So quickly you change I'm feeling so betrayed
My heart
Oh how confused
Oh how shocked
But trying to show you the friend I can be
This numbness inside and the shame you sure hide
It's more than anyone could ever see
But one day will be for lovers
You and I will be together
One day today will be as small as a grain of sand
You wait and see
I'm proving this to doubters cause
Love, it's for you and me
Thursday, June 5
Update?
For a long time I've felt like my writing was just BLAH. Actually it's been pretty non-existent. So then I decided to make a different kind of blog where I can use other people's writing to express myself which is actually how I do so most of the time anyways. I just felt like I would rather have my own writing on here and others on the other one. So I've been posting on there and will be from now on because writing and music is just how I get through the things that I'm going through. And all of the sudden POOF out of nowhere it's like the creativity part of my brain has come back because I've been writing. So if anyone is even still reading this hopefully I now have stuff to post.
Haha just thought I would explain that.
Haha just thought I would explain that.
Wednesday, June 4
New Blog
I made a new blog. haha I know your probably wondering why since I don't even write on this one. Well its because my new blog is just for lyrics to songs that really say exactly whats going on with me. I love music and when I find lyrics that really speak to my heart I want to share them. For a long time I've just felt like I can't put into words how I'm feeling or whats going on but I always seem to find lyrics that say it perfectly so there they are.
jordanslyrics.blogspot.com
jordanslyrics.blogspot.com
Thursday, April 24
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